Monday, November 17, 2008

My Husband Patrick

I realized today that when I've blogged it's primarily been about my two little crumb crunchers, but I do have another very important person in my life, and his name is Patrick.

In June of 1990, we were set up on a blind date. We both tried to get out of it but failed, and the rest, as they say, is history. He told someone that night that I was the girl he was going to marry, and while I was attracted to him physically I had found out he wasn't a Christian and didn't go to church. These were deal breakers for me. He pursued me heavily that summer, but I was rarely home as I was going on trips with the youth group as sponsor. When I was home, flowers, candies, singing telegrams would arrive at my work. In August without my having anything to do about it, Patrick asked Jesus into His heart, and we started dating. It wasn't anytime before Patrick dropped the "L" bomb. He whispered it in my ear one night at the end of the date. "I love you." I looked up at him quite shocked. It was only September how could he know that when I didn't know that myself. I explained I wasn't ready to say that to him, that I had never told anyone else that, and really had only planned on telling the one I married that. It's not that I hadn't fallen in love. I just wasn't sure. I knew I was definitely infatuated with this slim, broad-shouldered, 5'11", dark hair, green-eyed, nice butt guy. OH MY GOODNESS! Swoon!

I eventually told him I loved him, and his chasing of me slowed down tremendously. He thought he had caught me and that was that. Well, like most men, he wanted more, and he knew it wasn't going to happen. We broke up for a summer while he struggled with his parent's divorce, but as you know the end of the story, Patrick and I got married after 4 1/2 extremely long years of dating. I do not recommend long dating or engagements.

Before Patrick, the guys I dated were all church going, Christians, musically talented, pre-med. When I met Patrick , he wasn't a Christian, didn't go to church, had dropped out of college, and the only thing he played was the radio. He was a "bad boy," and I couldn't resist the bad boy being the good girl. Shortly after meeting me, he returned to college and obtained his degree. During the course of our dating, one of the funnier things that happened were the adventures Patrick would have with my daddy. Both love to camp and fish. One time when Patrick was camping with daddy and one of daddy's buddies, Patrick awoke in the early morning hour to see the other two had left the tent. Not knowing what he would find, he opened the tent flap to see in the full moon light my daddy and his buddy fishing on the bank of this remote bayou stark NAKED! In spite of that, Patrick still asked me to marry him. Patrick was the only guy I dated who lasted longer than three months. I'd get claustrophobic about three months, and I'd move on.

Our first year of marriage was hell on Earth to put it mildly. One of the things I liked most about Patrick was that he would not allow me and my strong personality walk all over him. I respected him for that...until our first year of marriage when he didn't let me have my way hardly at all. All my neat ways of doing things drove him nuts and would purposely mess up my orderly fashion of things. We lived in a loft apartment in the 'hood of Desoto, Texas. I remember our first week back our having an argument, my asking him if he wanted an annulment, him telling me I was being ridiculous, and my stomping up the stairs. I stomped up the stairs a lot while we lived there. And the only door I could slam was the bathroom door, and the bathroom was so small that I couldn't change my mind much less anything else. I would quickly come out of the bathroom totally removing the effect I had hoped to make in slamming the door in the first place. It was immaturity on my part and lack of communication on both our parts. We were living in the 'hood because Patrick had lived on a credit card his last year or so on a credit card, so we were paying them off. And yes, I had him cut up every one of those suckers. We paid off a lot of debt that 6 months to 1 year and managed to save up money over the next year to have money for a down payment on a house.

Each year got better and better. It seems like we go through cycles, and we've had to address trust issues he has because of a past relationship that ended horribly for him, we've had to address anger, resentment, walls around my heart, walking on eggshells, and many more things. God has been so faithful. He is a great healer. I always tried to blame Patrick for what was wrong, but in reality I was looking to him to fulfill my needs when there is no way on God's green Earth he possibly could. He is, after all, human...very human. When I started looking to God to fulfill those, acceptance, comfort, etc., it took a load off my husband's shoulders. I think it allowed him to work on himself and open himself up. We still struggle, but we've come from such a dark place. I was to kick him out. I had already figured out in my mind how we could make things work for the kids. My heart had become so callous and had so many walls built up around it out of protection and I felt justified in doing it. But then I submitted myself to God. God changes things. He humbled me. He broke me down to the bare medal. What God tears down, He rebuilds. I am counting on Him to rebuild not only me, but to continue to rebuild my marriage. Satan will do what he can to destroy a marriage of Christians, but my God is bigger than any issue I may have, Patrick may have or anything that Satan may try to use against us.

I am thankful for my husband. I am committed to our marriage and our family. I commit myself to remain open to God's way and look to Him to meet my needs.

So let me tell you about my husband's wonderful qualities, he is a hard worker. He's diligent. I love to see and hear him when he belly laughs because he covers his mouth with his hand and his shoulders bounce up and down. He can fix anything he puts his hands and mind to. When he allows the God to have control of his heart and mind, Patrick is quite generous. He is tenacious and has chosen a good business partner who also prays for him.

I am praying for Patrick in the area of our marriage, his parenting, his anger management, and his words. He has grown so much this year and matured, but like us all, we all still have room for growth. I love him. I am committed to him and no other man for there is no other man who would have put up with me for this long.

My God is sufficient.


Leebird said...

I will pray, too.

Cliff and I have definately had our ups and downs as well....Cliff doesn't have much baggage, which is nice since I have enough for both of us! :)

Love you and hope you had a great Thanksgiving! Lee

Anonymous said...

It IS ONLY our Heavenly Father who truly gets us, and who can fill us with our needs. All that He requires from us in our marriages is, I believe, committment. It is the only way I am still standing beside the man God blessed me with! You have written a beautiful recount of you and your man and your walk together, and you have honoured God, and I have been blessed by it! Blessings to you!!!