This is the second time I've attempted to blog about this chapter. I don't know why I'm having such a difficulty putting it into words because I'm not one to be in want for words.
I have no problem accepting the completely flawed portion of this chapter. Having ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and acting on impulses growing up, I more than made up my fair share of flaws. Now that I'm a parent, I realized how early the flaws come out. I know there are some parents who live in denial of their little darlings being flawed saying, "Oh, my kids are perfect. They wouldn't do that," or some other ridiculous nonsense, but that isn't me. As a matter of fact if you don't believe God has a sense of humor you should check out my family. Both of my kids are adopted, but Erin is her daddy, and Pearce is the answer to my mother's prayer (PLEASE GOD, GIVE HER AT LEAST ONE JUST LIKE HER!). We brought these wonderful little babies into our family. We love these little babies with all our heart and maybe more so because we fought so hard to have children and to be parents. But as soon as they learned right from wrong, it's just their sinful nature to try out the wrong side of the fence, and some more frequently than others (See my blog on my Dr. Dobson's Strong Willed Child).
I guess it's the forgiveness part that I struggle with at times. I know I have justified so many things in my life -- one more bite (gluttony), this show is fine to watch, I can say this... But in reality, regardless of whether we have justified our sin or not it is the Lord's to redeem us from our sin and sinful nature. There is no justification of our sin except through the cross. It's His choice to do this and His alone, and He does it day in and day out. That grace and mercy is limitless and unfathomable to me. I love my children dearly, but there are times when they push me to my limits, and I wonder why my heavenly Father hasn't just yanked a knot in my neck for my sins and pushing Him. Why doesn't He just take me home? It's not that I'm a murderer or adulteress or thief, etc. But in the eyes of God, there are no shades of gray for sin. One is just as bad as the next because regardless of what the sin is it still caused the death of His son. What "amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me. Amazing love, I know it's true, and it's my joy to honor You. In all I do, I honor You."
My Lord and Savior, I try to split hairs and justify my behaviors, attitude and actions much like my children do, but I know my sin breaks your heart, and I am truly sorry for my sins. I'm sorry for the grief I've caused you. I'm sorry for my lack of faith at time. I'm sorry for my ingratitude. I apologize for taking things into my own hands and not trusting you. God, I'm sorry for putting on my different faces and not being real so others can see you in me. Please forgive me. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for you love. Thank you for life eternal. Thank you for the blood. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you.